Kneel Jokes

While the Pope was in St. Louis he decided to grant absolution to three sinners. The first person to come up was Richard Nixon.
The Pope asked, "What is your sin?"
"I hired people to break into the Watergate hotel."
The Pope replied, "Kneel down. I'll bless you and grant you absolution."
Next in line was Bill Clinton. "What was your sin, son?"
"I cheated on my wife." The Philanderer in Chief replied.
"Kneel down, my son. I'll bless you and grant you absolution."
A third person came up and the Pope asked, "What is your name?"
"Monica Lewinsky." The Pope stroked his chin. "Hmmmm... Perhaps you should remain standing."

What are you, fucking stupid? Why would the creator of the universe give a shit what kind of hat you wear or count how many times you rub some beads or kneel and face a certain direction? Does your God have OCD?

You: Oh great and powerful God, what do you ask of me?

God: I need you to wash your feet three times a day, then kneel and face due north for ten full minutes while wearing a snorkel. You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around. That's pretty much what it's all about.
You: Wow, that's sounds crazy as dwarf shit, but I'll do it because I'm a weak-willed imbecile who's so terrified of what happens after death that I'll believe anything in a boring book written before pants were invented! I'll also scar my children with this nonsense, and do my best to push it on other people!

God: Dude, I totally appreciate it. Now if you'll excuse me I'll be in heaven saving my urine and feces in bottles and growing a huge, crazy beard.

The Pope made a decision to grant absolution to three sinners.
The first person before him was Howard Stern. "What is your sin?" asked the Pope. "I have offended people all over the country," replied Howard.
"Kneel down," replied the Pope. "I shall bless you and grant you absolution."
Next before him was Bill Clinton. "What is your sin?" asked the Pope. "I have cheated on my wife," Bill answered.
"Kneel down," said the Pope. "I shall bless you and grant you absolution."
The third sinner was then before the Pope. "What is your name?" he asked. "Monica Lewinsky."
"Perhaps it would be best if you remain standing!" the Pope said.

While the Pope was in St. Louis he decided to grant absolution to three sinners. The first person to come up was Richard Nixon.
The Pope asked, "What is your sin?"
"I hired people to break into the Watergate Hotel."
The Pope replied, "Kneel down. I'll bless you and grant you absolution."
Next in line was Bill Clinton. "What was your sin, son?"
"I cheated on my wife." The Philanderer in Chief replied.
"Kneel down, my son. I'll bless you and grant you absolution."
A third person came up and the Pope asked, "What is your name?"
"Monica Lewinsky." The Pope stroked his chin. "Hmmmm..... Perhaps you should remain standing."