Hire Jokes

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    Wink, Wink

    Hot 1 year ago

    A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry....we can't hire you."

    "But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"

    "Really? Great! Show me!"

    So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.

    "Well," said the interviewer, more...

    Building the Ark

    Hot 5 years ago

    And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind ofliving thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark."
    And in a flash of lightning he delivered the specifications for an Ark. "OK," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints. "Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time." And six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall.
    The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?" A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah.
    "Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big more...

    Prison Cell Graffiti

    Hot 4 years ago

    For a good time, hire a hooker,
    For a lot of time, hire my attorney.
    -Anonymous Prison Cell Graffiti

    Ferrari

    Hot 3 years ago

    Modena, Italy:

    The Ferrari F1 Team fired their entire Pit- Crew Yesterday. The announcement was followed by Ferrari's Decision to take advantage of the English Government's "Work For the Dole" Scheme and hire unemployed youths from Liverpool.

    The decision to hire them was brought on by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths in Liverpool were able to remove a set of car wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew can only do it in 8 seconds.

    This was thought to be an excellent yet bold move by Ferrari Management, as most races are won & lost in the pits, Ferrari would have an advantage over every team.

    However Ferrari expectations were easily exceeded, as during the Crews first practice session; not only were "da boyz from Bootle" able to change the tyres in under 6 seconds but within 12 seconds they had resprayed, rebadged, and had sold the vehicle over to the McLaren more...

    "I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, its' going to be impossible to buy a weeks groceries for $20."
    "Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long when $5000 will only buy a used one."
    "If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."
    "Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?"
    "The Government is wanting to get its hands on everything. Pretty soon it's going to be impossible to run a family business or farm."
    "If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store."
    "When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 50 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage."
    "Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing more...

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