"The Top 13 Signs You Watch Too Much TV" joke

13> Your co-workers are obliviously to the fact that your' DayTimer' is really a leather-bound TV Guide.

12> You're still trying to find a publisher for your book' C-Span for Dummies.'

11> You have DSS, DVD, HBO, MTV, HDTV, MSNBC -- and HSA (Huge Sofa Ass).

10> To reduce' downtime' -- you got an *elective* colostomy.

9> Last night you dreamt Sally Struthers begged you to send money to buy rice for poor, starving Ally McBeal.

8> Your name: Nick Nickelodeon's new channel: Nick for Nick

7> You write daily to the producers of' Bassmasters' to urge them come out with movie version.

6> Your last comment to your most recent ex-wife:' Shhhhhhh! T.J. Hooker's on.'

5> You effortlessly crack walnuts with your clicker thumb.

4> Forget the dish, *you* have your own friggin' satellite.

3> As surgeons painstakingly remove the petrified Cheetos embedded in your gargantuan ass cheeks, you spend the entire 7 hours staring dumbly at the EKG monitor.

2> Those 37 electrocutions still don't deter you from watching cartoons in the shower.

1> The last time you *read* for enjoyment was when they subtitled Arnold the Pig on an episode of Green Acres.