"Fun things for professors to do on the first day of class" joke
31. Jog into class, rip the textbook in half, and scream, "Are you pumped? ARE YOU PUMPED? I CAN'T HEEEEEEAR YOU!"
32. Ask for a volunteer for a demonstration. Ask them to fill out a waiver as you put on a lead apron and light a blowtorch.
33. Ask students to list their favorite showtunes on a signup sheet. Criticize their choices and make notes in your grade book.
34. Have a grad student in a black beret pluck at a bass while you lecture.
35. Sprint from the room in a panic if you hear sirens outside.
36. Warn students that they should bring a sack lunch to exams.
37. Refer frequently to students who died while taking your class.
38. Show up to lecture in a ventilated clean suit. Advise students to keep their distance for their own safety and mutter something about "that bug I picked up in the field".
39. Begin class by smashing the neck off a bottle of vodka, and announce that the lecture's over when the bottle's done.
40. Growl constantly and address students as "matey".
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