Lecture Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Funny Limo Driver

    Hot 5 months ago

    A Cardiologist came up with a new operating procedure that would cut down the time that heart surgery would take and would cause less trauma to the patient. He was praised by his peers when he presented it at a convention in Washington D.C. He was also paid $50,000 to present his findings.
    The cardiologist did a few more of these presentations and realized that it would be more lucrative to do lectures on his findings rather than continue to work as a surgeon. So he decided to do the lectures full-time. He hired a driver and purchased a limousine.
    One day, after he'd been doing the lecture circuit for about 6 months, his driver turns to him and says, "You know... This is completely unfair."
    "What do you mean?" asks the surgeon.
    "Well, you get paid $50,000 every time you do this lecture and that's more than I get paid in a year," replies the driver.
    The surgeon explains to him that it is a very complicated procedure and that he is the more...

    Smart Chauffeur

    Hot 5 years ago

    A successful scientist was on his way to a seminar where he was supposed to give a lecture on his new breakthrough in research. His chauffeur saw his tired look and felt sorry for him.
    "Sir, why don't you take the day off today", he said, "I've heard your lecture so many times by now I know it by heart. I can give the lecture and you can just sit back and relax."
    The scientist thought this was a great idea, since he was sick and tired of giving the exact same lecture over and over again.
    When they arrived at the seminar the scientist put on the chauffeur's hat and seated himself in the back of the lecture hall. His trusted chauffeur walked to the podium and gave an excellent lecture showing at least as much confidence as the scientist would.
    At the end of the lecture the chauffeur asked, just as his master always does, "Are there any questions?"
    One of the professors in the hall stood up and asked a long question about a very more...

    Japanese Management

    Hot 4 years ago

    Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one
    American, were on their way to an international business conference when
    they were kidnaped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout.
    "You, your companies and your countries are enemies of the Revolution," screamed
    the terrorist leader, "and you're going to be executed! Do you have any last
    requests?"
    The Englishman spoke first.
    "Before I die, I want to honor my contry and protest this barbaric act by
    singing "God Save The Queen" to all your men."
    "That can be arranged," said the terrorist.
    The Frenchman said, "And I want to honor MY country before I die by singing
    "The Marseilles" to your men."
    The Japanese said, "Before I die, I wish to honor MY country by giving the
    lecture I was going to present on the Japanese style of industrial management."
    The terrorist turned finally more...

    Temperance Lecture

    Hot 3 years ago

    Jock once attended a Temperance lecture given by Scotland's top medical man, a noted anti-drink campaigner. The speaker began by placing a live, wriggling worm in a glass of whisky. After a moment or two it died and sank to the bottom.The speaker said quietly to the audience, "Now my friends, what does this tell us?"Jock piped up, "If you drink whisky you'll not be bothered by worms!"

    Years ago, I was taking an algebra class over the summer,
    and had a teacher who liked to reminisce about his past with funny stories.
    He relates that he had been a math teacher in the Air Force, where it was
    his duty to force sleepy young recruits to stay awake for an hour of math
    at 8:00 in the morning in a large, warm, dimly-lit auditorium. One day,
    he came into the auditorium and saw his class even sleepier and less attentive
    than usual. He realized that something drastic would have to be done.
    Now this classroom was very old, and the blackboards, which had been nailed on
    to the walls with old black iron nails, had become loose over the years. As
    a result, these black nails jutted almost invisibly from the blackboard and
    this teacher kept banging his hands on them while erasing the board. He decided
    to put them to good use.
    With enough of a flourish to guarantee the class's attention, he went to the
    front of the room, near one more...

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