"Delegation of Complainers" joke

It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot in life. There was an elephant, a giraffe, and a hen. The elephant complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. It gets in the way, and makes me look like a total fool!"
The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick up food, drink, and water without getting wet!"
Next the giraffe complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS LONG NECK! It makes me top heavy, I get terrible neck pains, and people point and laugh at me!"
The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick the best fruit and leaves from the high branches, and allows you to see a fair distance."
Then, the hen spoke up. "Lord, I don't want to complain, but either let me have a bigger ass or smaller eggs."

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...

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Your mamas so old, that when i told her to act her age she dropped dead!!!

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A very absent-minded professor entered a crowded bus, with no available seats. Suddenly a little girl raised from her seat and offered it to the professor. He was astonished and said to her:
- You are a very good girl, what's your name?
- My name is Eve, daddy...

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Q: why did the Maori cross the road on a motorbike?
A: to get to the other side.
Q: why did the pakeha cross the road?
A: to get his motorbike back!

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Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

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