"Conflicting Advice" joke
A man who had been called to testify at the IRS, called his accountant for advice on what to wear.
"Wear the shabbiest clothing you have," advised the accountant. "Let them think you're a pauper."
He then approached his lawyer with the same question.
"Don't allow them to intimidate you," advised his lawyer. "Wear your most elegant suit and tie."
Confused by the conflicting advice, he went to his priest, explained the situation and asked for his thoughts.
"I'll tell you a little story," the priest said. "A woman who was about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. Her mother told her to wear a long, heavy, flannel nightgown that goes right up to her neck. Then she asked her best friend and received conflicting advice. Her friend said to wear her sexiest negligee, with a v-neck cut right down to her navel."
"Excuse me, Father, but what does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?" the man asked.
"No matter what you wear, you're going to get screwed!"
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