Capital One Jokes / Recent Jokes

I carry a picture around with me, that of me fucking the CEO of Capital One in the ass, just like he's done to me all these years.
What's in your wallet?

The Emperor - sorry, the President - has quietly claimed sweeping new powers allowing him to open Americans' mail without a judge's warrant.

Sources say he'll use this new authority to finally get his own Capital One "No Hassle Rewards" card.