Keen Jokes / Recent Jokes

A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.Active socially: Drinks heavily.Alert to company developments: An office gossip.Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.Average: Not too bright.Bridge builder: Likes to compromise.Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law.Charismatic: No interest in any opinion but his own.Competent: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.Conscientious and careful: Scared.Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.Consults with supervisor often: Very annoying.Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well.Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.Displays great dexterity and agility: Dodges and evades superiors well.Enjoys job: Needs more to do.Excels in sustaining concentration but avoids confrontations: Ignores everyone.Excels in more...

1. I'm really keen to work for you, I hear the drugs are good.
2. I regret that I have no references. Unfortunately, every company I have worked for has since closed down.
3. I'll kill myself if I don't get a job.
4. I know where you live.
5. Any sentence beginning with "I was recently acquitted."
6. I'm really tall, so I think I'd be well suited to this job.
7. Happy faces.
8. By the way, I understand that you have unmarried daughters.
9. I'm confident that I'll get this job. The voices told me.

"If you're going to work here young man, " said the boss, "the number two thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm." "Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?" "Oh, yes, sir." responded the young man. "And another thing the number one thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat." said the boss.

Comment: AVERAGE Really Means: Not too bright. Comment: EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED Really Means: Has committed no major blunders to date. Comment: ACTIVE SOCIALLY Really Means: Drinks heavily. Comment: QUICK THINKING Really Means: Offers plausible excuses for errors. Comment: INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION Really Means: Knows more than superiors. Comment: STERN DISCIPLINARIAN Really Means: A real jerk. Comment: APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC Really Means: Finds someone else to do the job. Comment: A KEEN ANALYST Really Means: Thoroughly confused. Comment: EXPRESSES SELF WELL Really Means: Can string two sentences together. Comment: DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP Really Means: Has a loud voice. Comment: JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND Really Means: Lucky. Comment: KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR Really Means: Knows lots of dirty jokes. Comment: SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE Really Means: Stupid. Comment: ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS Really Means: An office gossip. Comment: ENJOYS JOB Really more...

Dictionary of Evaluation Comments

Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.

AVERAGE: Not too bright.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date.
ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily.
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law.
UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement.
QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors.
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited.
TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPERTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks for superiors.
INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: Knows more than superiors.
STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: A real jerk.
TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS: Knows when to keep mouth shut.
APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to do the job.
A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused.
NOT A DESK more...