"No meat on Friday" joke
When Ole quit farming, he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his new little town of Catholics. That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbequing beef every Friday. Since they couldn't eat meat on Friday, the tempting aroma was getting the best of them. Hoping they could do something to stop this, the neighbors got together and went over to talk to Ole. "Ole," they said, "since you are the only Lutheran in this whole town and there's not a Lutheran church for many miles, we think you should join our church and become a Catholic." Ole thought about it for a minute and decided they were probably right. Ole talked to the priest, and they arranged it.The big day came and the priest had Ole kneel. He put his hand on Ole's head and said, "Ole, you were born a Lutheran, you were raised a Lutheran, and now," he said as he sprinkled some incense over Ole's head, "now you are a Catholic!"Ole was happy and the neighbors were happy. But the following Friday evening at suppertime, there was again the aroma of grilled beef coming from Ole's yard. The neighbors went to talk to him about this and as they approached the fence, they heard Ole saying to the steak: "You were born a beef, you were raised a beef", and as he sprinkled salt over the meat he said, "and NOW you are a FISH!"
The pastor at Sven and Ole`s church was giving a rousing heaven or hell sermon one Sunday. At the end, minister commands "Whoever wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everyone except Sven and Ole stand. The pastor walks over to them, looks them directly in the eye and more...
...you think a meeting isn't legitimate unless it's at least three hours long.. ..peas in your tuna noodle hotdish add too much color.. ..you make change in the offering plate for a ten.. ..your dad's name is Luther N., your brother is Luther Hahn and you are Lew Theran.. ..you more...
...you talk to someone else and look at their shoes first.. ..you have more than three friends whose first names have the letter "j" as the second letter.. ..the only open pew is up front, so you volunteer to shovel the sidewalk.. ..Ole and Lena are really the names of more...
...someone asks you after church if there's any "decaf coffee" and you laugh because you KNOW that if it doesn't have caffeine, it can't be coffee!. ..you think anyone who says "casserole" instead of "hotdish" is trying to be uppity (or maybe even more...
... you pronounce the word Lutheran "Lutern.". ..requests you hear are preceeded or followed by the phrase, "If it's not too much trouble then...". ..you know all the words to the first verse of "Silent Night" in German but can't speak a word of more...