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    God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.1. How did you find out about God? __ Newspaper __ Other Book__ Television __ Divine Inspiration__ Word of mouth __ Near Death Experience__ Bible __ Other__ Torah (specify): _____________2. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.__ Tarot __ Lottery__ Horoscope __ Television__ Fortune cookies __ Ann Landers__ Self-help books __ Sex__ Biorhythms __ Alcohol or drugs__ Mantras __ Other: ________________________________________ Insurance policies __ None3. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. more...

    Top 10 Comments Made By The Reindeer During Their Xmas Flight^10. "Sheesh! What's he been eating this year? ROCKS?"

    9. "He shouts all our names all the time, sure, but do you really think he
    knows which one is which?"

    8. "I never knew Donner had a tattoo THERE."

    7. "Sure... HIS seat is a flotation device. What about us?"

    6. "Tried those new lite oats? You really should."

    5. "Man, I hope we pause on a rooftop soon. I'm beat."

    4. "HEY! Watch the antlers there, buddy!"

    3. "Did you hear you-know-who got a nose job?"

    2. "You know, after a few hundred miles, these jingling bells really get

    And Finally...

    1. "So, you want to go someplace afterward for some reindeer games?"

    Actual comments received in 1996 from the Bridger Wilderness registration sheets and comment cards:
    Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.
    Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce world-wide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.
    Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals.
    All the mile markers are missing this year.
    Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse.
    Trail needs to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.
    Too many bugs and leaches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.
    Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow during the winter.
    Chairlifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.
    The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate more...

    Rules that guys wished girls knew..........
    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
    2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
    3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
    4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
    if he can find the perfect present, again!
    5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
    answer you don't want to hear.
    6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
    7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared
    to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and
    monster trucks.
    8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like
    every other cat.
    9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
    10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
    tides. Let it be.
    11. Shopping is not sport.
    12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
    13. You have enough more...

    Comments made by Programmers when their programs don't work: Strange... I've never heard about that. It did work yesterday. Well, the program needs some fixing. How is this possible? The machine seems to be broken. Has the operating system been updated? The user has made an error again. There is something wrong in your test data. I have not touched that module! Yes yes, it will be ready in time. You must have the wrong executable. Oh, it's just a feature. I'm almost ready. Of course, I just have to do these small fixes. It will be done in no time at all. It's just some unlucky coincidence. I can't test everything! THIS can't do THAT. Didn't I fix it already? It's already there, but it has not been tested. It works, but it's not been tested. Somebody must have changed my code. There must be a virus in the application software. Even though i t does not work, how does it feel? How come you didn't find it during the system testing? It's a setup problem. And the Ultimate: A smart user more...

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