Inner Jokes / Recent Jokes
By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace...
The article read:
"The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started."
So I looked around the house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished....and before leaving the house this morning I finished off bottle of red wine, a bottle of white, the Bailey's, Kahlua and Wild Turkey, the Prozac, some valium, some cheesecake and a box of chocolates.
You have no idea how freakin good I feel....
1. I would like to have the heart of a small child. I would keep it in a jar on my desk.
2. I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
3. Who can I blame for my problems? Give me a minute; I'll find someone.
4. A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
5. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than, "I told you so."
6. Today I will disregard all negative messages like STOP or YIELD or WRONG WAY/DO NOT ENTER.
7. Today I will treat myself as I would my best friend - with sarcasm and neglect.
8. Coming out of your shell is dangerous. Ask any clam.
9. I honor my inner warrior. Otherwise he will hurt me. Badly.
10. There is nothing wrong with me. Really.
11. Joan of Arc heard voices too.
12. I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
13. If God lives within me, shouldn't I avoid using more...
They say that the way to achieve inner peace is to finish things you've started. This definitely appears to be working for me. I am now making a point of always finishing what I start and I really feel I am well on my way toward finding inner peace.
Here are the things that I have finished today:
a cherry cheesecake
a large box of chocolates
a package of Oreo cookies
a bottle of Coke
two large bags of potato chips
I'm sure this really works because I feel better already!
This woman walks into a tattoo shop and asks for a tattoo of a Christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh.
The tattoo artist say that's an unusual request. Why do you want two tattoos there?
So she says because my husband needs to eat between Christmas and new years.