River Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    There once lived three boys. They had really weird names. The first was named Nobody, the second was named Shut Up, and the third was named Manners.
    One day, the boy named Nobody fell into the river. Shut Up and Manners went to the police station.
    On the way to the police station, Manners needed to go to the toilet, so Shut Up went alone.
    Shut Up said"Nobody fell into the river! Nobody fell into the river!"
    The policeman asked curiously"Why are you here then?
    Shut Up said"Never mind then."
    The policeman asked Shut Up"What is your name?" Shut Up replied"Shut Up!" The policeman questioned Shut Up"Where are your manners?" Shut Up responded,"In the toilet!"

    There was a Mississippi redneck and a Louisiana Cajun, fishing on their respective sides of the Mississippi river.
    Just as soon as the redneck put his line in the water, he slung a fish onto the bank, and the Cajun was catching nothing, so he yelled across to the redneck, "Buddy, I'd sure like to be on your side of the river!"
    "Aight, tell ya whut, I'll shine my flashlight 'cross this river, and you can walk across this little beam of light!" the redneck yelled back.
    The Cajun replied, "Hain't no way, buddy. I know you think I'm a fool! When I get halfway 'cross, you'll turn your flashlight off!"

    A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey, "Hey! what are you doing?"
    The monkey says, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
    So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few joints. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get adrink from the river. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
    A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"
    The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
    The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree were the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint, and he looks up and says, "Hey you!"
    The Monkey looks down more...

    An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the "accident of evolution" had created.
    "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
    At that instant the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...."
    Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river more...

    A Mother-in-law decides to see if her three son-in-law's love her or at least appreciate her...
    The next day while strolling along the river with her first son-in-law, she lets herself fall into the water and starts to drown.
    Without hesitation, the son-in-law jumps in the river and saves his mother-in-law.
    The next day, in front of his house, he finds a new car, a City Honda, with a little note on the windshield: Thank-you on behalf of your mother-in-law.
    She undertakes the same scenario with her second eldest son-in-law. This one too, dives into the river and saves his mother-in-law. The next day, he too, in front of his house, finds a new car: the same City Honda with a little note on the windshield: Thank-you on behalf of your mother-in-law.
    The same scenario occurs with the third son-in-law, she falls in the water and starts to drown. He watches his mother-in-law drown while thinking to himself: I've been waiting a long time for this!
    The next day, in more...

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