Bear Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Two Indians, Running Bear and Little Beaver went to the outhouse teepee, situated on the edge of a cliff. After using the outhouse teepee, they went back to the village. The next day, they again went to the outhouse teepee. Running Bear said, "Terrible, terrible, the outhouse teepee smells to high heaven! What should we do? We can't ever use it smelling like that!" Little Beaver suggested, "Why don't we just push the outhouse teepee over the cliff, and go build another one?" They both agreed and pushed the outhouse teepee over the cliff.

    A few days later, the chief of the tribe called a pow wow. He asked," Who threw the outhouse teepee over the cliff?" No one answered. He then told this story.

    When George Washington was a little boy, his father asked, "Who chopped down the cherry tree?" Little boy George Washington answered, "It was I father."

    His father was so pleased with the answer, that he rewarded more...

    A little koala bear wanders into a whorehouse. He climbs the stairs and finds a door open. He goes in to the room to find a naked prostitute asleep on the bed. He quickly climbs into the bed and begins performing oral sex on the prostitute.
    She wakes up and decides that since it feels so good she'll let him finish. The koala finishes, wipes his chin, climbs off the bed and heads for the door. The prostitute jumps up and yells at him "Hey, you have to pay for that". The koala shrugs and continues to head for the door.
    The prostitute yells at him again, "Hey you have to pay for that. I'm a prostitute". She gets up and pulls a dictionary off a shelf and shows the koala the definition.
    PROSTITUTE
    (n) a person receiving payment for sexual services.
    The koala shrugs, takes the dictionary and turns the pages to the definition of koala bear.
    KOALA
    (n.) a small bear that eats bushes and leaves.

    A bear, a lion and a chicken sitting talking about who is the hardest. The bear says when I roar - the whole forest trembles, the lion says when I roar - the whole jungle shakes with fear, the chicken says all I have to do is cough and the whole fuckin world shits itself!!

    A Belgian met a Dutch friend, who was driving a Rolls Royce and spending money like water.
    'How did you het so rich?' the Belgian asked.
    'I went to Canada, to shoot bears. The fur coats are very expensive.'
    'How do you go about shooting bears?'
    'It's very simple. You should go there in winter. When you enter a cave you will find a bear. Since it is in hybernation, it is very easy to shoot it.'
    Three months later they meet again. This time the Belgian is entirely wrapped in bandages.
    'What has happened to you?'
    'Well' the Belgian replies: 'I went to Canada, I entered a cave with my gun, and then suddenly... the train came'.

    It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It's empty!
    "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.
    Papa Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It too is empty!
    "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars.
    Mama Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For goodness sake, how many times must we go through this? It was Mama Bear who got up first. It was Mama Bear who woke everyone else in the house up. It was Mama Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mama Bear who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the paper. It was Mama Bear who set the table. It was Mama Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat's food and water dishes. And now that you have decided to come more...

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