"Dopin' Lizard" joke

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey, "Hey! what are you doing?"
The monkey says, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few joints. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get adrink from the river. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"
The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree were the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint, and he looks up and says, "Hey you!"
The Monkey looks down and says, "Faaaaaaark dude... how much water did you drink?!

A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...

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Two lil leprechauns went off to St Mary's convent and begged an audience with the mother superior. "well, how can I help you little folk?" asked the Mother Superior.
The larger and more intelligent looking of the leprechauns asked "Well, mother superior, would more...

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One day a cucumber, pickle and a penis were having a conversation.
The Pickle says, "You know, my life really sucks. Whenever I get big fat and juicy they sprinkle seasonings on my and stick me in a jar.
The Cucumber says, "Yeah, you think that's bad? Whenever more...

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Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!

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A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive more...

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