"Restaurant order" joke
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
"Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yes", she purrs, "I am."
The man replies "Well, go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"
Dirty Rubix Riddle
Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!
Wedding Vows
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer.
"I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows," the groom said. "When you get to me and the part where it asks if I promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking more...
What do you say to a baby Jewish American Princess?
Gucci Gucci Goo
Speeding
A driver is pulled over by a police man.
Man: Is there a problem Officer?
Officer: Sir, you were speeding.
Man: Oh I see.
Officer: Can I see your licence please?
Man: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Man: Lost it 4 more...
From "New Scientist", attributed from R.D. Hayler, Stoke-on-Trent, Staffordshire, to a friend:
Two sodium atoms are walking along the street when one stops and says, "Oh my God, I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" asks the other more...