"How Can You Tell If You're One of Life's Losers?..." joke

You don't have any luck at all if:
-The guarantee on your used car expires two hours before the car's engine does.
- You start to go bald at the same time you reach puberty.
-You get your BIG break and make the football team only to trip over the bench and break your leg.
-You find a ten-dollar bill and get arrested when you try to spend it because it's counterfeit.