"Headlines from the future" joke

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Nursing home event... Bill Clinton denies allegations of affair with candy striper.
Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.
Baby conceived naturally... scientists stumped.
Ozone created by electric cars now killing thousands in Los Angeles.
New California law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, and baseball bats be registered by January 2036.

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