"FINALLY...MY MOTHER..." joke

* My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

* My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

* My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

* My mother taught me LOGIC - "Because I said so, that's why."

* My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

* My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll' give' you something to cry about."

* My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

* My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

* My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there' til all that spinach is finished."