"Mercedes Benz Driving Test" joke
1. Before changing lanes you should:
A. signal.
(B) check for traffic.
(C) both a & b.
(D) just swing into the lane without doing either a or b.
2. The top light on a traffic signal is:
A. red.
(B) yellow.
(C) green.
(D) Who cares, it doesn't apply to me anyway.
3. The speed limit in a residential area is:
A. 35 MPH.
(B) 25 MPH.
(C) 45 MPH.
(D) I paid $65,000 for this car, I'll drive as fast as I want.
4. In California, when a pedestrian enters a cross walk, you should:
A. slow to a walking pace.
(B) go around the block.
(C) stop.
(D) speed up and honk your horn.
5. In the other 49 states, when a pedestrian enters a cross walk, you
should:
A. maintain your speed.
(B) slow a little.
(C) slow a lot.
(D) speed up and don't bother honking your horn.
6. Your may make a left turn from the right lane:
A. never.
(B) when there is a left turn arrow.
(C) on Sunday at 2 A.M.
(D) When ever you damn well feel like it.
7. When a school bus has flashing red lights, you:
A. must stop.
(B) may pass on the left after checking.
(C) may pass after slowing to 5 MPH.
(D) use your car phone to order Chinese food
while passing on the left.
8. When you hear an emergency vehicle siren, you should:
A. pull to the right and stop.
(B) pull into the nearest car wash.
(C) roll down your windows.
(D) turn up the radio and ignore it.
9. You may make a U-turn in front of a fire station:
A. never.
(B) when the doors are closed.
(C) if there are no police around.
(D) when you have missed your turn.
10. When approaching a traffic light where cars
are stopped, you should:
A. relax.
(B) watch the signal.
(C) stop a safe distance back from the car in front.
(D) call your wife/secretary on your car
phone so everyone can see that you have a car
phone.
11. When turning onto a side street, you should
signal:
A. two blocks before turning.
(B) two car lengths before turning.
(C) two miles before turning.
(D) what for, if the guy behind me hits me, I'll sue him.
12. A U-turn in a business district is legal:
A. only at an intersection.
(B) always.
(C) never.
(D) if I pass a sale at the jewelers.
13. Parking in a red-zone is permitted:
A. never.
(B) on Sunday.
(C) if there is a fire hydrant.
(D) when I'll only be there for five minutes.
14. What is your annual gross income:
A. $10,000-20,000.
(B) $20,000-40,000.
(C) $40,000-80,000.
(D) $80,000 and up.
Scoring
If you answered 'd' on every question, you have a perfect
score. You are certified to drive a Mercedes Benz
Automobile. You may, at your discretion, proceed to your
nearest Mercedes Benz authorized distributor and select
the Mercedes Benz Automobile of your choice.
If you answered a, b, or c on two or fewer questions,
you may request a retest in two weeks time. Please study
the Mercedes Benz motor vehicle guide in preparation for
your retest.
If you answered a, b, or c on more than two questions,
we're sorry, you just don't have the proper attitude to
be a Mercedes Benz Automobile driver. Perhaps you should
consider a BMW.
In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful blonde was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too more...
The three words most hated by men during sex:' 'Are you done?'' The three words women hate to hear when having sex...''Honey, I'm home!''
-----
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend more...
Two newfies walked into a pet store. The first says "I want four budgies." Salesman-certainly sir, would you like two male and two female or all male or all female? Newfie-I don't care. I just want 4 budgies! Salesman-certainly sir, what color would you like? We have more...
Person 1: Knock, Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Cows go.
Person 2: Cows go who?
Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!