Pull Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight
    safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here
    are some real examples that have been heard or reported.
    From a Southwest Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your
    lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
    Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going
    to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but
    please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if
    you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
    After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you
    enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
    As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a
    lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. more...

    Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:
    1. Unbutton pants
    2. Pull pants down
    3. Pull foreskin back
    4. Pee
    5. Push foreskin forward
    6. Pull pants up and button up
    She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did a good job.
    Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5...

    A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of money on bar. He asks the bartender what it is for, the bartender tells him about the pub challenge. The man asks what he has to do and the bartender says "
    Well, firstly you have to cut your thumb with a rusty knife, then you have to pull a tooth out of the angry dog in the back, lastly you have to have sex with that old woman in the corner."
    The man decides not to do it and so continues drinking. After a few drinks he decides he will try the challenge and so he puts the money in the jar. He walks over to the rusty knife and cuts his thumb. He walks out to the back to do the next part. The people in the bar hear him screaming and the dog barking. After a few minutes he returns with blood all over his shirt and says "
    So where's this old woman I have to pull the tooth out of then?"

    Jim Goldman's joke reminded me of an oldie but goodie:
    Fred and Myra were residents at the local old age home. One day, Fred came shuffling past Myra when she waved him over.
    "Fred," she said, "I'll bet I can guess how old you are."
    "Okay," replied Fred, "go ahead. Tell me how old I am."
    Well, you got to pull down your pants first Fred.
    "What are ya talkin' about Myra?"
    "I can only tell how old you are if you pull down your pants Fred."
    Shrugging his shoulders, Fred obliges and pulls down his pants. Myra tells him to pull down his underpants as well.
    Thinking 'why not?' he pulls down his underpants as well. Myra peers at his privates, inspecting from all angles. She takes his equipment in hand, moves it around a bit, feeling here and there. After some of this manipulation, she looks up at Fred and announces, "You're 87 years old."
    Astonished, Fred looks at her in more...

    1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
    2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo" sound.
    3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch
    your "privates" and smell your fingers for one last whiff.
    4. Get in the shower.
    5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).
    6. Wash your face.
    7. Wash your armpits.
    8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
    9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.
    10. Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.
    11. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
    12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
    13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
    14. Pee (in the shower).
    15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor more...

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