"Sexual Quickes" joke
The three words most hated by men during sex:' 'Are you done?'' The three words women hate to hear when having sex...''Honey, I'm home!''
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Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes
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Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
A: Sexual harassment
Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
A: $3.99 a minute
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One sperm says to the other,' 'How far is it to the ovaries?'' The other one says,' 'Relax. We just passed the tonsils.''
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Did you hear about the new blonde paint? It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.
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Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but you get the remote.
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Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A: The swallow
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Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme
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Q: What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
A: Men usually miss them.
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Man:' 'I'd really like to get into your pants.''
Woman:' 'No thanks. There's already one asshole in there.''
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Q: What do men and tile floors have in common?
A: If you lay them well, you can walk on them for years.
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HIM:' 'Why can't I tell when you have an orgasm?''
HER:' 'Because you're never home when it happens.''
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A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.
He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction
on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they
would marry, he thought to more...
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes
If Ida Lupino married George Wendt, then divorced him to marry Ted Danson, divorced him to marry Alan Alda, then divorced him to marry Ted Knight, and divorced him to marry Shelly Long, she'd be Ida Wendt Danson Alda Knight Long.
If Whoopi Goldberg married Peter Cushing, more...
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...