"Sexual Quickes" joke
The three words most hated by men during sex:' 'Are you done?'' The three words women hate to hear when having sex...''Honey, I'm home!''
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Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes
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Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
A: Sexual harassment
Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
A: $3.99 a minute
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One sperm says to the other,' 'How far is it to the ovaries?'' The other one says,' 'Relax. We just passed the tonsils.''
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Did you hear about the new blonde paint? It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.
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Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but you get the remote.
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Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A: The swallow
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Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme
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Q: What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
A: Men usually miss them.
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Man:' 'I'd really like to get into your pants.''
Woman:' 'No thanks. There's already one asshole in there.''
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Q: What do men and tile floors have in common?
A: If you lay them well, you can walk on them for years.
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HIM:' 'Why can't I tell when you have an orgasm?''
HER:' 'Because you're never home when it happens.''
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Person 1: Knock, Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Cows go.
Person 2: Cows go who?
Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!
John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn't, the girl with the rose. His interest in her had begun more...
Golf Genie
A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf, were about to tee off on
the third hole, which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit her
shot and the ball began to slice - her shot was headed directly at a very
large plate glass window. Much more...
1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that." 3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.4. Say, more...