Sergeant Jokes / Recent Jokes

A jeweller called the police station to report a robbery."You`ll never believe what happened, Sergeant. A truck backed up to my store, the doors opened and an elephant came out. He broke my plate glass window, stuck his trunk in, sucked up all the jewelry and climbed back into the truck. The doors closed and the truck pulled away."The desk sergeant said, "Could you tell me, for identification purposes, whether it was an Indian elephant or an African elephant?""What`s the difference?" asked the jeweller."Well," said the sergeant, an African elephant has great big ears and an Indian elephant has little ears.""Come to think of it, I couldn`t see his ears," said the jeweller. "He had a stocking over his head."

When little Reggie was inducted into the Army, he was advised to act tough."That's the only way to command respect in the Army," his friends said. So Reggie did his best to carry out the advice. He swaggered all around camp, bragging, blustering and talking out of the corner of his mouth."Show me a sergeant and I'll show you a dope," Reggie shouted. No sooner had he spoken than a brawny, battle-hardened figure appeared."I am a sergeant!" he bellowed."I am a dope," whispered Reggie.

The Supervisor was berating a key punch operator over her lack of output. "...And look at Tina, working right next to you, she has triple your keystrokes."
"I know, I know!" replied Sheryl, "I've been telling her to slow down for weeks now."
The new Marine recruit was awakened roughly by her platoon Sergeant after the rookie's first night in the barracks.
"It's four-thirty !" roared the Sergeant.
"Four-thirty?!?!?" gasped the recruit. "You'd better go to bed. We've got a big day tomorrow."
The newly rich Yuppette was going thru her "culture" routine and was standing in front on an oil painting of a ragged but happy vagabond. "Go figure." she said aloud. "Too broke to buy himself any decent clothes but he spends Lord knows how much to have his portrait painted."
Two Yuppettes were lamenting the death of a friend who had died the day before. "I understand," more...

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine
Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick
before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m.
but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before
breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed
to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is
strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak
on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food,
but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on
coffee. Their food plus yours holds you until noon when you get fed again.
It's no wonder these city boys more...

The sergeant was holding a drill with recruits in grenade throwing.
“Here’s a live grenade. You pull this pin, count one, two, three, ’ and throw the thing. Got it? ”
“Yes, sergeant, ”
“Off we go, men! Johnson, your are the first. ”
The soldier pulled the pin, then yelled: “One, two, lliree. Throwing. Catch it, sergeant! ”

A group of soldiers began digging foxholes for pending war games. Two privates working side by side dug their holes to standard depth.
A third man, a corporal, dug his foxhole so deep that only his shovel tip was visible as he ejected the dirt. Curiosity got the best of the two privates. When their sergeant passed by, one spoke up. "Um, sergeant, sir, can you tell us what's with the corporal? He seems to have gotten carried away."
"Oh, he'll be okay in a few minutes," the sergeant said. "He suffers from corporal tunnel syndrome."

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."
Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"
"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.
A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more more...