Sergeant Jokes / Recent Jokes

My father, an Army major, was conducting a field test when
communications went dead. Immediately, he jumped into a
jeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the command
station.
When my father and the sergeant ran in, the group cheered
their arrival. The commanding officer then stepped forward
and shook my father's hand.
"Don't congratulate me, sir," my father said modestly as he
pointed to his driver. "It was all the sergeant's doing."
The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant.
"Congratulations," he said. "The major's wife just had a baby
girl."

It was 5: 00 a. m., and, throwing open the door of the barracks, the sergeant shouted at the top of his lungs, "Fall in, you bastards. .. on the double!"
There was a mad scurrying as the men jumped into their clothing and came to order. Much to his surprise, however, Private Moss didn't budge. He just lay in his bed reading a magazine.
"Well?" the sergeant boomed.
Moss looked up. "My, there certainly are a lot of them, eh, Sarge?"

A retired sergeant was asked: "Well, how do you like civilian life?" "Terrible," he said gruffly, "all those people around and nobody in charge!"

The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there. “Well, sir, ” is the nervous reply, “as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have … m-m-m…. urges. That’s why we have the camel, sir. ” The Captain says, “I can’t say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay. ”
About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges. Crazy with passion, he asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has wild, insane sex with the camel. When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, “Is that how the men do it? ” “Uh, no sir, ” the First Sergeant replies. “They usually just ride the camel into town where the more...

That same autocratic sergeant approached another new recruit and demanded, "What were you before you were drafted?"
To which the young man replied, "Happy, sir."

My father, an Army major, was conducting a field test when communications went
dead. Immediately, he jumped into a jeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the
command station.When my father and the sergeant ran in, the group cheered their arrival. The commanding
officer then stepped forward and shook my father's hand. “Don't congratulate me, sir,” my father said modestly as he pointed to his driver. “It was all the sergeant's doing.”The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant. “Congratulations,” he said. “The major's wife just had a baby girl.”

President Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip -- a live razorback. At the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute." I'd salute you back, Sergeant," says the President, "but as you can see, I've got my hands full." "Yes, sir," replies the sergeant. "Very nice pigs, sir. Very nice pigs." "Why, these aren't pigs," the President responds. "These are RAZORBACKS!""Yes, sir -- razorbacks. Sorry, sir." "Yup," Clinton continues. "Got this one for Chelsea, and this one for Hillary." The sergeant replies: "Very good trade, sir -- very good trade."