Sergeant Jokes / Recent Jokes

As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in serveral night timeexcersises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School. He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation." Scared, Lieutenant?", I asked. He replied, "No, just a bit apperhensive." I asked, "What's the diffrence??" He replied, "That means I'm scared with a university education."

A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die youll come and dance on my grave." The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge... no sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army Id never stand in another line!"

As he was drilling a batch of recruits, the sergeant saw that one of them was marching out of step. Walking up next to the man as they marched, he said sarcastically: "Do you know they are all out of step except you?""What?" asked the recruit innocently."I said -- they are all out of step except you!" thundered the sergeant.The recruit replied, "Well, sarge, you're in charge -- you tell them!"

A recruit who wasn't really meant to be a soldier went out to the rifle range for the first time. He missed every target and most of the hills behind them. Despondent, he said to the sergeant, "I think I'll just go and shoot myself."The sergeant said, "Better take a couple of extra bullets!"

Four strangers travelled together in the same compartment of a European train. Two men and two women faced each other.
One woman was a very wealthy and sophisticated 70 year old lady who was decked out in the finest of furs and jewelry. Next to her sat a beautiful young woman, nineteen yrs. old--who looked like something right off the cover of a fashion magazine. Across from the older lady was a very mature looking man in his mid-forties who was a highly decorated Sergeant Major in the Army. And next to the Sergeant Major sat a young private fresh out of boot camp.
As these four strangers travelled, they talked and chatted about trivial things until they entered an unlighted tunnel, and there they sat in complete darkness and total silence, until the sound of a distinct kiss broke the silence; following the kiss a loud slap could be heard throughout the cabin.
In the ensuing period of silence the four strangers sat quietly with their own thoughts. The older lady was more...

A recruit who wasn't really meant to be a soldier went out to the rifle range for the first time. He missed every target and most of the hills behind them. Despondent, he said to the sergeant, "I think I'll just go and shoot myself." The sergeant said, "Better take a couple of extra bullets!"

One day, a sergeant of long service standing was trying to teach a bunch of raw
recruits how to handle the rifle. The rookies were firing hither and yon and finally one of them shot the sarge in the seat of his breeches. “You dumb, censored, son of censored, censored, censored,” screamed the sarge.A second lieutenant that was with the group cautioned, “Remember, Sarge, you're
in the New Army. No profanities.”The sergeant apologized to the officer and turned back to the recruit. “My goodness gracious,” he said, “What on earth was your motivation in shooting me with unwarranted expenditure of valuable ammunition?”