Harvey Jokes / Recent Jokes

Harvey's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop. In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent. He asks Harvey, "Vat sims to be ze problem?"
Harvey says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go 'tick-tock-tick-tock' anymore. Now it just goes 'tick...tick...tick.'"
The old man says, "Mmm-Hm!" and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the the grandfather clock. He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face.
Then he says in a menacing voice, "Ve haf vays of making you tock!"

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Harvey!
Harvey who?
Harvey gonna play this game forever!

Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah," said Eddie. "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Harvey replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."

"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under that bed, you gutless weasel."

Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the little woman". "Oh yeah", said Eddie. "And how did this one end"? "When it was over", Harvey replied. "She came crawling to me on her hands and knees". "Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say"? "She said,' Come out from under that bed, you gutless weasel!'"

Harvey and Sara -- an elderly married couple -- have trouble remembering things, so they write everything down. One night in bed, Sara gets a craving and wakes up her husband.' Get up and bring me some apple pie and ice cream, Harvey,' Sara says.' And you better write it down.'' I think I can remember that,' Harvey mumbles as he heads for the kitchen. Twenty minutes later, Harvey returns with a plate of scrambled eggs and sausage.' What's this?' Sara asks.' It's what you asked for!' Harvey says.' See, I told you to write it down,' Sara says.' You forgot my toast.'

Harvey's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop.

In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent. He asks Harvey, "Vat sims to be ze problem?"
Harvey says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go' tick-tock-tick-tock' anymore. Now it just goes' tick... tick... tick.'"
The old man says, "Mmm-Hm!" and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the the grandfather clock. He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face.
Then he says in a menacing voice, "Ve haf vays of making you tock!"