Old Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols, in this order of appearance: A woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David.

    They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols.

    They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss what they could agree was the meaning of the markings. The President of their society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said: "This looks like a woman. We can judge that this race was family- oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey, so, they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.

    The next drawing looks like a more...

    A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because,' It's a lot of money!'

    After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into thepresident's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied,' $165,000!' and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her,' Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?'

    The old lady replied,' I make bets.' The president then asked,' Bets? What kind of bets?' The old woman said,' Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square.'

    'Ha!' laughed the president,' That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!' The old lady challenged,' So, would you like more...

    Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving.

    An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor's office. "We have come for an examination," said the young girl.

    "Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off."

    "No, not me," said the girl. "it's my old aunt here."

    "Very well," said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."

    An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holdingher hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do notintend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowingup in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!"said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down thereis 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

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