Old Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols, in this order of appearance: A woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David.

    They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols.

    They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss what they could agree was the meaning of the markings. The President of their society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said: "This looks like a woman. We can judge that this race was family- oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey, so, they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.

    The next drawing looks like a more...

    Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving.

    A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because,' It's a lot of money!'

    After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into thepresident's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied,' $165,000!' and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her,' Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?'

    The old lady replied,' I make bets.' The president then asked,' Bets? What kind of bets?' The old woman said,' Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square.'

    'Ha!' laughed the president,' That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!' The old lady challenged,' So, would you like more...

    An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor's office. "We have come for an examination," said the young girl.

    "Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off."

    "No, not me," said the girl. "it's my old aunt here."

    "Very well," said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."

    Once a young Brahmin went to the house of a very respectable Old Brahmin to
    ask for his young daughters hand. "My dear Sir", he goes "I have heard that
    your daughter has all the good qualities of a Bahu"?
    The old brahmin answered "Haan! !
    More that that, she is Sundara Vati and Padma Vati"
    But can she cook and keep house"? Asked the young man "Oh yes,
    she is Dharma Vati" answered the old man
    "Now, can she sew"? asked the young man "Oh yes yes,
    she can not only sew, but she is KalaVati " answered the old man
    "What about her education"? Asked the young man
    "She is Vidya Vati" answered the old man
    "And the Vedas"? Asked the young man "Oh yes yes,
    she is Veda Vati" answered the old man
    The young man is very happy to find the perfect bride and gets married to her.
    Two days later he comes back with his newly married more...

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