"Regular naps prevent old age" joke

A woman's breasts are like a child's toys. They are meant for the child - but the husband is the one that usually ends up playing with them.

A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...

Ya mama so fat the only thing stopping her from going to Jenny Craig is the door.

An entrepreneur attended an auction at which he won the bid on an old safe. With dreams of a large fortune inside, he was told that the business from which the safe originated was so long defunct, that no one had the combination. Undaunted, he called a locksmith to try to get more...

You mamma is soo fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out!