Forgotten Jokes / Recent Jokes

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of idiot to forget to eat! A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care. They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "listen witch... do it and die!"The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and then they marry him.)I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day. I know what Victoria's Secret more...

These are great!
A WOMAN'S RANDOM THOUGHTS
Skinny people piss me off! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I forgot to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
They say you shouldn't say anything about the dead unless it's good. He's dead. Good.
A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she didn't give a shit.
They keep telling women to get in touch with their bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative, but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the 9: 00 class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen, bitch, do it and you die."
The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.
Gay, straight... they all want blow jobs.
They say more...

Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs. The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes. The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends. I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire. Amazing! You hang something in your closet for awhile and it shrinks two sizes! Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat. A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. more...

"You don't have anything in your head except soccer," said a wife to her husband. "I'm sure you've even forgotten when we got married!"
"Of course I haven't forgotten," replied the husband. "That was the day England beat Italy 2-1."

Twas the night before Payback...

' Twas the night before Payback and all through the land,
The Taliban are running like rabbits in Afghanistan.
Osama's been praying, he's down on his knees,
He's hoping that Allah will hear all his pleas.

He thought if he killed us that we'd fall and shatter,
But all that he's done is just make us madder.
We haven't yet forgotten our Marines in Beirut,
And we'll kick your ass, with one heavy boot.

And yes we remember the USS Cole,
And the lives of our sailors that you bastards stole.
You think you can rule us and cause us to fear,
You'll soon get the answer if you live to hear.

And we ain't forgotten your buddy Saddam,
And he ain't forgotten the sound of our bombs.
You think that those mountains are somewhere to hide,
They'll go down in history as the place where you died.

Remember Khadhafi and his line of death?
He came very close, more...

there were these 3 nunes they got the weekend off.
Well they came back to the nune house and had to confess there sins.
The first nune said mother i need to confess my sins that i did this weeked and she said what was it- "i kissed a guy" your sin has been forgotten you may drink the holy water the 3rd one chucled a littel bit.
The 2nd nune came up and said mother I need to confess my sins and the mother nune said what did you do this weekend she said i wacthed a rated r movie. THe mother nune said your sin has been for gotten you may drink the holy water. THe 3rd one chuclked a liteel bit.
THEN IT WAS THE 3rd on to confess her sins and the mother nune said what kind of sin do you need to be forgotten about and the 3rd one said I PISSED IN THE HOLY WATER.

Womanhood
Brilliant Woman Author Unknown


Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.




One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs.


My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.


The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.


The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.


The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.


Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.


Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.


I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on more...