Older Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A WW II American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supply boat to a base in the south of England, then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the train looking for any place to sit.Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other. There was room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British lady, with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her. "Could I please sit in that seat" he asked. The lady was insulted. "You Americans are so rude" she said, "can't you see my dog is sitting there"? He walked through the train more and still could not find a seat. He found himself back at the same place. "Lady, I love dogs - have a couple at home - so I would be glad to hold your dog if I could sit down" he said.The lady more...

    Little Johnny was 12 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend.
    This he did. The following morning, Johnny described everything to his mother. 'Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured Sis must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. 'I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and more...

    Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister
    and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother. "
    Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured 'Sis must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting
    and more...

    (I got this one from my next door neighbor, who got it from his brother...)
    Desperate for work, Paul decides to accept a job offer mining deep in
    Alaska. After a long journey he arrives at the mining camp, 200 miles
    from civilization. The camp is small, with only a handful of miners.
    He promptly meets up with the manager, and asks what his duties are.
    "Firstly, you work six days of the week, every day except Saturday. Your
    primary duty is to help clear out the rubble, and dump it into the rock
    quarry down the road. The work isn't easy, but you will get used to it.
    Also, you are on KP duty on Friday nights."
    Morning comes, and Paul goes to work. The work is hard, but he is strong
    enough that it isn't a real problem.
    However, by the time Thursday comes around, Paul is feeling kind of lonely.
    With the nearest women 200 miles away, he can't imagine how the other miners
    endure from day to day. So, he approaches the more...

    A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace the aging doctor there. The older doctor suggested that the younger doctor accompany him as he made his house calls so that the people of the community could become accustomed to him.
    At the first house they visited, the younger doctor listened intently as the older doctor and an older lady discussed the weather, their grandchildren and the latest church bulletin.
    After some time, the older doctor asked his patient how she had been feeling.
    "I've been a little sick to my stomach," she replied.
    "Well," said the older physician, "you've probably been over doing it a bit with the fresh fruit. Why don't you cut back on the amount of fresh fruit you eat and see if that helps."
    As they left the house, the younger doctor asked how the older doctor had reached his diagnosis so quickly.
    "You didn't even examine that woman," the younger doctor stated.
    "I didn't have more...

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