"You Know You're Vietnamese If" joke

You look older than you really are. You're racist. Your parents are scared of anyone that is black. Your parents dog on Mexicans and Blacks You know you're superior to other Asians. Your parents think you're 12 when you're really 18. When you go out to buy clothes you have to buy them 3 sizes too big for you to grow in and for any younger brother or sister to have for Christmas a few years down the line. At least one of your parents are in a self owned business like Laundromat, Nails, or Apartments. If they own apartments they rent only to Asian families... never blacks. Guys: you sit on your butt all day. Girls: you do everything while your man sits on his butt. Guys: you have a nice variety of white and black shirts, blue and black jeans and slacks. You cuss out anyone in Vietnamese that gets you pissed off. Your parents think you're the worst kid. Your parents compare you to 4. 5 nerds and call you stupid. You watch Vietnamese translated movies that are 30 tapes long. You listen to New-wave, Techno, Rap, Slowjams, and/or Euro dance. You show your Viet-pride to the fullest. You go to Little Saigon once in a while or every weekend or everyday! While you are in Little Saigon, you always go to Phuoc Loc Tho where you head straight into that Asian Collection music store. You always take American friends to go to Bo 7 Mon (Seven courses of Beef) to amaze them with Vietnamese foods. There's Chinese in your family line somewhere. You live in the valley (SFV), O. C., or somewhere in the East. You get along with other Vietnamese even though they are total F. O. B.'s. You're down for your crap. You're loyal to ALL your friends. You don't own an American car. Girls: You hate all F. O. B.'s that go "Hey, babee, you cute. Can I hab yo fone numba?" Guys: You enjoy getting slapped by the girls you try to mack on. Hey, at least she touched you. You are the bomb at pool. You like to wear Nike, Adidas, Tommy, or Nautica. If you're an F. O. B., you wear Calvin Klein and Guess. You are always updated with the Asian style. Guys: You either have high spikes or slicked small bangs combed back. You highlight your hair. You buy Levi's 501s and you slit the sides. You played the piano once in your life. You take 2 or more showers a day. Your parents always boast about you to all the other Vietnamese parents, or your parents totally dogg on how stupid you are to other Vietnamese parents. After you come from the beach with a tan, they say that you look Cambodian. No matter what you are, people think your Chinese or Korean. Anybody will ask you to say something in Vietnamese. After you told them hello and how are you doing in Vietnamese, they ask about the cuss words. Your parents can only help you with the math assignments and no other subjects. You like Durian. When you get detention or demerits from school, your parents think that you are a rebel. When your parents see that you get bad grades, they start lecturing about how they went through hell in school in Vietnam. They would say that they would have gotten whooped in the butt. Your parents always compare Vietnam and America. When you are feeling ill, your parents think you're on drugs. Your parents have the whole collection of Paris By Night. Your parents always criticize you, criticize others, and criticize each other. Guys: You love Acura Integras and 4-Runners. Your parents want you to be better than everyone else. Guys: you, one time in your life, had the regulation bowl cut. You ate 4 bowls of rice, then five minutes after, your parents ask you if you want to eat 4 more bowls. Your aunts always have a fro hair cut. Your parents always compare you to those big buff white peeps. In your house, there's always multiple pictures of your family and you when you were small, side by side in every room. You have the last name or are related to someone who has the last name: Nguyen. Guys: You only go for only cute Asian girls. Girls: You went out with or liked someone named Minh. Your dad wears glasses and always has the good ol' hair combed to the side. You only buy products made in Japan. Your parents always remind you to greet every older person in Vietnamese if they're Vietnamese. You always have pounds of rice around the house. Your parents hate pets except for harmless, CHEAP goldfishes. Your parents are attracted to the English words of: "99 cents" or "FREE." You collect all the coupons you can find. Your grandparents always give you money. Your parents know how to make Pho. You're taller than your parents. You have a computer. Your parents only watch TV when the Little Saigon Television is on. You put Soy Sauce or nuoc mam on every food. You enjoy Karaoke and/or you have the machine at home. You can't date until you're 60. Your parents make you get married with only Vietnamese people. You like playing volleyball. You use your dishwasher to store clean dishes. Your parents use the "Eagle" brand oil for every type of sickness. You use the Eagle Oil. You know where all of the Vietnamese restaurants in town are. You, your little brother, your older brother, and your older brother's friend sleep together in the same bed. Your family own a copy of "Paris By Night". Your parents always buy Japanese automobiles. Your parents listen to the news from Vietnamese radio station either at home or in their car. Your parents always want to do business with Vietnamese only. Your parents want you to marry an educated person. Your father or brother goes to the casino every week or month.

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