"Santa on duty" joke
A new soldier, Banta, was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear: No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield.
A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back.
Banta said, "Halt, who goes there?"
The sergeant, who was driving, motioned to the back seat and said, "Brigadier."
"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You have to have a sticker on the windshield."
The Brigadier yelled from the back, "Drive on!"
Banta replied, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."
The Brigadier repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!"
Banta walked up to the rear window and said, "Sir, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or your driver?"
A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.
He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction
on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they
would marry, he thought to more...
If Ida Lupino married George Wendt, then divorced him to marry Ted Danson, divorced him to marry Alan Alda, then divorced him to marry Ted Knight, and divorced him to marry Shelly Long, she'd be Ida Wendt Danson Alda Knight Long.
If Whoopi Goldberg married Peter Cushing, more...
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...
One day the Lone Ranger and his companion Tonto were walking through the desert when Tonto suddenly stopped, bent down to the ground and said, - "Buffalo Come!"
And the Lone Ranger said, "How do you know Tonto?"
Tonto replied, - "Ear stuck to more...