Anyone Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
    2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
    3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
    4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
    5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
    6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
    7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
    8. Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.
    9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
    10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are more...

    A man hears a knock at his door, opens it but doesn't see anyone.
    He glances down, sees a snail there and being the conscientious gardener he is, tosses the snail across the road, into a field, away from his property.
    Ten years go by, and one day the man hears a knock at the door, but once again, doesn't find anyone there when he answers.
    He looks down, sees a snail there.
    The snail looks up at him, and in a tiny voice demands, - "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?"

    A guy was sitting in a bar when a strangerwalked up to him and asked, "If you woke upin the woods and scratched your buttand felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?""Hell no!" the guy said.The stranger then asked, "If you felt further into yourcrack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?"The man said, "Of course not.""Wanna go camping?"

    One cannot achieve succeess with every film. Audiences can
    be unpredictable. The failure could be due to a bad script
    or characterisation. All this is a part of the learning process.

    - Amitabh Bachchan (Actor, Producer)


    I refuse to be a doormat to any man. I will never allow
    anyone to push me around. I am my own mistress.
    - Manisha Koirala (Actress)



    Why should I try to imitate Kajol? I am not a
    mimicry artist.
    - Rani Mukherjee (Actress)


    It's strange that Rakesh Roshan thinks I look older than Hrithik.
    In fact, he's approached me for all his home productions.
    - Aishwarya Rai (Actress)


    Just because I'm an actress, why should anyone dare to
    assume that I have no morals?
    - Preity Zinta (Actress)


    I still have a long way to go. People will realise the difference
    between Shah Rukh Khan and a one-movie-wonder like me.
    - Hrithik more...

    A guy named Joe receives a free ticket to the SuperBowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Joe arrives at the stadium, he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium, he's closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Joe sees through his binoculars an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yardline.
    He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, Joe asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?"
    The man says "No."
    Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Joe again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the SuperBowl and not use it?!"
    The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is more...

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