Eat Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    by Peter Leppik

    The following is a *true* story. It amused the hell out of me while it was happening. I hope it isn't one of those "had to be there" things.

    On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday ca$h I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of
    the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting mad at me.

    Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go."

    Server: "Is that it?"

    Me: "Yep."

    Server: "That'll be $1. 04, eat here?"

    Me: "No, it's "TO-GO" [I hate effort duplication]."

    At this point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and

    Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right more...

    A guy sits down in a Cafe' and asks for the hot chile.
    The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl."
    He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the chili bowl is still full.
    He says, "Are you going to eat that?"
    The other guy says, "No. Help yourself."
    He takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way down, his fork hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse in it, and he pukes! the chili back into the bowl.
    The other guy says, "That's about as far as I got, too."

    you have a 'barrel man' in your house, you may be filipino...(you know.. the wooden man... when you lift up the barrel----schwing!!!) you wash your clothes by hand, you might be Filipino. you use walis tambo and walis ting-ting, you just might be Filipino. you nail all photographs on your walls in the living room, you're a Filipino. you have a very good sense of maniana habit, you might be Filipino. you smoke in your house you put up your knee while eating you eat kanin and ulam using your hand you are pakialamero you say Sugarol, babaero at tumador you are chismosa you say Comfort Room instead of Restroom. you say For Take Out instead of to go. you point w/ your lips, then you might be a Filipino. you say open or close the lights, then you might be a Filipino. you nod upwards to greet someone, you might be a Filipino. your nickname is 'boy', you might be a Filipino. you ask for a Colgate instead of toothpaste, you might be a Filipino. you say 'Canteen' instead of cafeteria, then you more...

    A Sri Lankan is calmly having his breakfast when an American, typically chewing gum, sits down beside him. The Sri Lankan ignores the American who begins to chat:

    The American: Do you eat that bread-entirely?
    The Sri Lankan: Of course!
    The American: We do not. We only eat the inner part, the crust is put in a container, later processed, transformed into flour and then sold to Sri Lanka. The Sri Lankan says nothing.
    The American continues: Do you eat this jelly with the bread?
    The Sri Lankan repeats: Of course.
    The American: We do not. We eat our fresh fruits for breakfast; we keep all the peels and seeds in the containers. Later we process it, and transform it into jelly and then we sell it to Sri Lanka.

    The Sri Lankan asks: And what do you do with the condoms after you use them?
    The American: We throw them away, of course!
    The Sri Lankan: We do not. We keep them in containers, process them, transform them in to chewing gum and more...

    Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda.
    The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back.
    A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "oh, come on, and let’s eat the sandwiches."
    Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "if you do, i won't go!"

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