"You Know You Are Filipino" joke

you have a 'barrel man' in your house, you may be filipino...(you know.. the wooden man... when you lift up the barrel----schwing!!!) you wash your clothes by hand, you might be Filipino. you use walis tambo and walis ting-ting, you just might be Filipino. you nail all photographs on your walls in the living room, you're a Filipino. you have a very good sense of maniana habit, you might be Filipino. you smoke in your house you put up your knee while eating you eat kanin and ulam using your hand you are pakialamero you say Sugarol, babaero at tumador you are chismosa you say Comfort Room instead of Restroom. you say For Take Out instead of to go. you point w/ your lips, then you might be a Filipino. you say open or close the lights, then you might be a Filipino. you nod upwards to greet someone, you might be a Filipino. your nickname is 'boy', you might be a Filipino. you ask for a Colgate instead of toothpaste, you might be a Filipino. you say 'Canteen' instead of cafeteria, then you must be filipino you eat under-developed duck eggs. you call it a 'ballpoint' or'ballpen', not a 'pen' you pronounce the word ALREADY as OLREYDI. you say, Kodakan, instead of take pictures. you do 'mano po' to older people in the house you're about to enter. you refer to to your refrigerator as 'pridyider' your grandma smiles and her teeth are all red because of 'nga-nga' you say 'pliers' when you meant 'fliers' you say 'bitch' when you meant 'beach' you pronounce 'hippopotamus' and 'comfortable' in a funny way you say 'Boose' for 'bus' you cover your sofa with bright red and green blankets you have a Last Supper quilt tacked on your dining wall your 'walking doll' is still new even though it was bought years ago because your mom kept it in the china cabinet and never let you play with it. you drive a Mercedes-Benz with maroon seat covers you hang a rosary on the rear view mirror of your car. you have a Santo Nino shrine in your living room. you buy the karaoke system first before the stereo and TV you have an out of tune piano and nobody in the family ever learned to play. you know what 'chocolate meat' is you say chok-o-late. you have a 'Weapons of Morroland' shield. you didn't hear or understand something and your first expression is 'HA?'. you're standing next to big boxes at the airport. you say' hoy' to get someone's attention. you like peanut butter with chocolate. you make para on a bus. your car chirps like a bird when it's in reverse. you turn around when you hear somebody say 'psssst.' you instinctively grab a toothpick after a meal. you order the langunisa meal on a PAL Balikbayan flight. you laugh seeing somebody slip. you burp when you're busog (or after sipping a beer) you call somebody 'psssst.' you smile/grin a lot even for no reason, you sit by squating down and leaning your elbows on your knees. you use a Bolo to cut the grass in the yard. you refer to kerosene as 'white gas.' there are pairs of flip-flops outside your door you have power failures every day at the same time that you can set your watch to. your biggest frying pan is shaped like a wok. you own both a rice cooker, and an air pot. you refer to 'Accent' and all other forms of monosodium glutamate as 'Ajinomoto' you go to a department store, and try to bargain the price. you drink with your friends and share the same glass, and pass it around. you have a cartful of corned beef during a sale. you say kutex instead of nail polish, you are one too. you are stumped when asked what kind of bread in a deli. you're the plane passenger with the largest hand-carry luggage. you scratch your head when you don't know what you're doing. you don't want to eat the last piece of food on the plate, but offer it to others. you say 'she' when you should say 'he' you say 'ano' this and 'ano' that you put your hands together and point them in the direction you are walking to pass between other people you say that everybody is your cousin/niece/nephew/aunt/uncle/... you have a big Buddha at home for good luck( not the serene Buddha like what the Thais have, but the big, fat, laughing one with those pesky little kids crawling all over him). you bring a 'baon' to work everyday, you're probably a Filipino. your ice cold beer really has ice cubes in it. you eat balut and wash it down with beer to bulk up. you have a parol hanging outside your house during the Christmas holidays. you say things sorta backwards like towel paper instead of paper towel and stick bread instead of breadsticks. you say guper instead of gopher. you eat rice for breakfast, lunch and dinner. you say 'aray' instead of 'ouch '. you look up and say 'ha!' when somebody says 'what's up'. you write 'Filipino' but pronounce it as 'Pilipino'. you can sustain jokes like this one indefinitely. you often say' Bulaga!' when you want to scare someone. you fire your gun like crazy on new year's eve you drive a jeep with your family name written on the back. you precede anything pluralized with 'mga.' you put a little bowl of patis on the table for dipping, and your guests complain 'who farted.' you cover your living room furniture with bed sheets. you have toyo circles on your table cloths. you wash and reuse disposable styroFoam cups, forks and spoons and of course, aluminum wrapper (Reynolds wrap or cover paper plates with waxed paper so you can reuse it. you cover your carpet floors with plastic liners, you might be Filipino.

Your Mamma's so fat, when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!


Twas the week before Christmas,
I was feeding a mouse,
fattening it up,
for our cats in the house.
The wife's stockings hung
on the shower with care,
The drain is clogged.
Probably big globs of hair.
The children were playing,
jumping more...


- Yo Mama's so fat, she couldn't fit in a satellite photo.
- Yo Mama's so fat, she's on both sides of the family.
- Yo Mama's so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
- Yo Mama's so fat, when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came more...


your mamma is so ugly she makes blind kids scared


- Yo mama's so hairy, they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower.
- Yo mama's so hairy, Bigfoot took a picture of her.
- Yo mama's so hairy, her armpits look like she has Don King in a head lock.
- Yo mama's so hairy, she looks like a Chia pet with a more...

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