Somebody Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    you have a 'barrel man' in your house, you may be filipino...(you know.. the wooden man... when you lift up the barrel----schwing!!!) you wash your clothes by hand, you might be Filipino. you use walis tambo and walis ting-ting, you just might be Filipino. you nail all photographs on your walls in the living room, you're a Filipino. you have a very good sense of maniana habit, you might be Filipino. you smoke in your house you put up your knee while eating you eat kanin and ulam using your hand you are pakialamero you say Sugarol, babaero at tumador you are chismosa you say Comfort Room instead of Restroom. you say For Take Out instead of to go. you point w/ your lips, then you might be a Filipino. you say open or close the lights, then you might be a Filipino. you nod upwards to greet someone, you might be a Filipino. your nickname is 'boy', you might be a Filipino. you ask for a Colgate instead of toothpaste, you might be a Filipino. you say 'Canteen' instead of cafeteria, then you more...

    A Cowboy's Guide to Life
    Never squat with yer spurs on.
    There are two theories to arguin' with a woman; neither one works.
    Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew, your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
    If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
    After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.
    He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
    The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
    If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
    Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
    It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
    Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
    Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey.
    Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgment.
    Always drink upstream from the herd.
    Never drop more...

    There was an old country sheriff who always said, "It could have been worse." No matter what happened, the old sheriff always had the same answer: "It could have been worse."

    One day, two deputies in the sheriff's office answered an emergency call at a farmhouse. When they walked in, they found the nude bodies of a man and a woman in the bedroom. They had been shot to death. When they went to the living room, they found the body of a man with a gun at his side.

    "No doubt about it," one deputy said to the other. "This was a double murder and suicide. This guy came home and found his wife in bed with somebody else and shot them both. Then he shot himself."

    "You're right," the other deputy replied. "Double murder and suicide. But I'll bet you when the sheriff gets here he's going to say "it could have been worse."

    "No way. How could it be worse? There are three people in the more...

    How Does a Person Decide Who to Marry?
    "You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one." Kally, age 9
    "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." Allan, age 10
    "No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you got to find out later who you're stuck with." Kirsten, age 10
    Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married
    "Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then!" Cam, age 10
    "No age is good to get married at... You got to be a fool to get married!" Freddie, age 6
    How Can a Stranger Tell if Two People are Married?
    "Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." Eddie, age 6
    "You might have to guess based on whether they seem to more...

    Here's something I got (appropriately) over the net from someone,
    who got it from someone, who in turn got it from somebody else. I
    have no idea who originally wrote it.
    "Think of the Internet as a highway."
    There it is again. Some clueless fool talking about the "Information
    Superhighway." They don't know didley about the net. It's nothing
    like a superhighway. That's a rotten metaphor.
    Suppose the metaphor ran in the other direction. Suppose the highways
    were like the net...
    A highway hundreds of lanes wide. Most with pitfalls for potholes.
    Privately operated bridges and overpasses. No highway patrol. A
    couple of rent-a-cops on bicycles with broken whistles. 500 member
    vigilante posses with nuclear weapons. A minimum of 237 on ramps at
    every intersection. No signs. Wanna get to Ensenada? Holler out
    the window at a passing truck to ask directions. Ad hoc traffic
    laws. Some lanes would vote to make use by a more...

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