Ass Jokes

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...

Chuck Norris is the only man who can kick your ass in the head!

THE GHOST SHIT The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.

THE CLEAN SHIT The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there's no shit on the toilet paper.

THE WET SHIT You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

THE SECOND WAVE SHIT This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.

THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT Also known as' Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit'. You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

THE CORN SHIT No explanation necessary.

THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into more...

A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs in their bedroom. The 7-year-old is explaining that it is high time that the two of them begin swearing. When his little brother responds enthusiastically, the 7-year old says, "When we go downstairs for breakfast this morning, I'll say' hell' and you say' ass'."

The 4-year-old happily agrees.
As the two boys are seating themselves at the breakfast table, their mother walks in and asks her older son what he would like to eat for breakfast. The 7-year-old replies, "Aw hell, Mom, I'll just have some Cheerios."

The surprised mother reacts quickly and whacks him one. The boy runs upstairs, bawling and rubbing his behind. With a sterner note in her voice, the mother then asks the younger son, "And what would YOU like for breakfast?"

"I don't know," the 4-year-old blubbers, "but you can bet your ASS it's not gonna be Cheerios!"

A lawyer is driving in the middle of nowhere and his car breaks
down. After waiting a while, a farmer comes along and asks what
the problem is. Discovering what the problem is, the farmer
offers his home to the lawyer to stay for the night.
Later that night, the lawyer is asleep, and the farmer's wife
comes in his room and wants to have sex with him. The lawyer
says, "No, you're husband will wake up and catch us." The wife
replies, "My husband is a heavy sleeper he won't wake up, I
promise." To prove it, she takes the lawyer into her room where
her husband is butt-naked and tells him to pull one of the hairs
on his ass. The lawyer does it and the farmer doesn't wake up.
Then they go back to the room and have sex. About 2 hours later,
the wife comes back and wants more. The lawyer says once again
"You're husband will wake up and catch us." The wife says, "I
already told you, he's a more...