Characters Jokes / Recent Jokes
From the rehu-l list where it had been posted from the Whim list.
From "American Demographics" magazine:
Here's a look at how shrewd American business people translate their slogans into foreign languages:
When Braniff translated a slogan touting its upholstery, "Fly in leather," it came out in Spanish as "Fly naked."
Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."
Chicken magnate Frank Perdue's line, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken," sounds much more interesting in Spanish: "It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate."
When Vicks first introduced its cough drops on the German market, they were chagrined to learn that the German pronunciation of "v" is f - which makes "Vicks" in German the phonetic equivalent of "sexual penetration."
Not to be outdone, Puffs tissues tried more...
You Know You're Addicted to Harry Potter When...
1.) You make a wand and try to use it.
2.) You call your least favorite teacher Snape.
3.) You call your favorite teacher Dumbledore.
4.) You wear robes to school or work.
5.) You make "floo powder", get in the fire, and try to go to your friends' house.
6.) You have read all the books more than four times.
7.) You've been bookstore at midnight to get the latest Harry Potter book before all your friends.
8.) You've worn a Harry Potter costume in public.
9.) You have a crush on one of the Harry Potter characters.
10.) You've gotten at least one of your friends addicted to Harry Potter.
11.) You actually caught the "Wand Order" mistake before you heard/read about it.
12.) You are upset at the New York Times for creating a seperate childrens best seller list because of the Harry Potter books.
13.) Using clues in the book, you have attempted to find the exact more...
What the country is talking about this week...
"Big Brother 2" One contestant got booted for holding a knife to another's throat. But he hopes to appear on "COPS."
Tom & Penelope: There's already a problem. She wants to keep her maiden name if they marry.
"The Sopranos" Executive producer David Chase has agreed to a fifth season for a reported $20 million. The more characters he kills off, the more he gets to keep.
"The West Wing" Several of the supporting characters want more money. There goes your tax cut.
Harrison Ford: He helped rescue a lost Boy Scout with his helicopter. After a car chase, a horse race, a knife fight, a snake pit, a chasm jump...
Nicole Kidman: Reports say she and Russell Crowe were vacationing on the same remote, primitive South Seas island. Australia.
Beijing Olympics: They're adding several new sports for 2008: the 200-meter Tank Dodge and the Dissident Javelin Catch.
Online movie more...
Everyone remembers the cartoon show Scooby-Doo from their early childhood, right? But something you may not remember is what the show was really about. As we've gotten older, it has become more clear what Fred, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma, and Scooby were actually doing as they traversed the continent foiling crimes of all sorts in the Mystery Machine.
WHAT WE REMEMBER: Four teenagers and their trusted dog gallop across the country in their purple and green van solving mysteries of all sorts -- and in the process meet all kinds of interesting people.
THE TRUTH: Four high-school dropouts and their sentient dog ride around the country in their psychedelic love machine, earning their way by selling drugs. Oh, and they occasionally take some old guys mask off to solve a mystery. It may be hard to swallow, but just take a look at the evidence... Take Shaggy for example. Not only is he the inspiration for the current' grunge' scene, with his sloppy dress and facial hair, but more...
Cartoon Laws of Physics
Cartoon Law I Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
Cartoon Law II Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
Cartoon Law III Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards more...