Rent Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the night with her for $500. So they do. Before he leaves, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT. On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he has his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following typed note: Dear Madam: Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that; 1) it had never been occupied
    2) that there was plenty of heat
    3) that it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home. However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large. Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check more...

    Ole and Sven went fishing one summer and decided to rent a boat from the resort instead of fishing from the shore. They rowed out a ways and started to fish. They caught one fish after the other. Ole says to Sven, "I wish we could mark this spot. It’s the best fishing I've seen since I was a boy." Sven replied, "I got some chalk in my tackle box, so why don't I put an X right here on the bottom of the boat?" Ole laughed, "You goofy brother of mine...What if we don't rent the same boat next time."

    Walpole had lived in his loft for six months, and by now it was filled with the
    paintings he had created. He worked day and night, stopping only occasionally for something to eat. He thought little about food and less about sleep. But what he thought about least of all was his rent.
    As a result, his landlord now stood before him, demanding the three months' rent
    Walpole owed on the loft.“Give me a couple of weeks,” Walpole pleaded. “I know I'm on the verge of making
    some sales.”“Absolutely not,” the landlord said. “You gave me that story last month. You won't get
    another day's credit from me.”“Look,” Walpole said, “think of it as an investment. Someday this loft will be famous, and you'll be able to charge a fortune for it. In a few years, people will come into this disgusting loft and whisper, ‘Walpole used to paint here.’”“Pay your rent now,” the landlord said, “or they'll be able to say it tomorrow morning.”

    The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:
    I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
    I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response... click.
    A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state."
    I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from more...

    One evening after the theatre, two men were walking down Broadway when they
    saw a well-dressed and attractive woman walking just ahead of them. One man
    turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give $50 to sleep with that woman."
    To their surprise, the young lady overheard the remark and, turning
    around, said, "I'll take you up on that." She looked neat and sounded
    educated so, bidding his companion goodnight, the lucky man accompanied the
    young lady to her flat, where they immediately went to bed.
    Next morning the man presented her with $25 and prepared to leave. But she
    demanded the rest of the money and threatened, "If you don't give it to me,
    I'll sue."
    The man only laughed, saying, "I'd like to see you get it on those
    He was surprised to receive a summons the next day, ordering his presence in
    court as a defendant in a lawsuit. When he told his lawer the details more...

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