"Top 7 things Elian Gonzalez's Dad said his first day in the United States" joke

1. I want to thank your great land for not turning my young boy into a political football.

2. I will only be interviewed by respected ABC newsman Leonardo DiCaprio.

3. As long as I'm here, I also want to take back Jennifer Lopez.

4. Please don't let Robert Urich play me in the movie version of this whole mess.

5. I don't care if you are from the Yankees - I can't pitch!

6. Elian can wait - first I visit the grave of Ricky Ricardo.

7. I bow to your superior capitalist system which has given the world the hat that holds two beer cans.

- "The Late Show with David Letterman"