"Sports commentators' brilliant observations" joke
"An inch or two either side of the post and that would have been a goal."
- Dave Bassett, Sky Sports
"Ardiles strokes the ball like it is part of his own anatomy."
- Jimmy Magee, RTE
"Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice."
- Kevin Keegan, Radio 5 live
"This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother."
- Ted Walsh ( Horse Racing Commentator)
"I would not say he ( David Ginola) is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better."
- Ron Atkinson
"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it all over their faces."
- Ron Atkinson
"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat."
- Ron Atkinson
"It took a lot of bottle for Tony (Adams) to own up."
- Ian Wright commenting on his teammate's alcoholism)
"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country."
- Ian Rush
"Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."
- Harry Carpenter (BBC TV Boat Race 1977)
"Here we are in the Holy Land of Israel - a Mecca for tourists."
- David Vine
"Morcelli has four fastest 1500-metre times ever. And all those times are at 1500 metres."
- David Coleman
"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
- Metro Radio
"... and later we will have action from the men's coxless pairs..."
- Sue Barker
"Her time is about 4.33, which she's capable of."
- David Coleman
Dennis Pennis: 'Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?"
Chris Eubank: 'On what?"
"Sex is an anti-climax after that!"
- Grand National winning jockey Mark Fitzgerald
"Well, you gave the horse a wonderful ride, everybody saw that"
- Desmond Lynam
"To play Holland, you have to play the Dutch."
- Ruud Gullit
"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw."
- Ron Atkinson
"For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip"
- John Motson
"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."
- David Acfield
"What will you do when you leave football, Jack - will you stay in football?"
- Stuart Hall (Radio 5 live)
"We'll still be happy if we lose. It's on at the same time as the Beer Festival"
- Noel O' Mahony, Cork City boss before the game in Munich
"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona"
- Mark Draper (Aston Villa)
"There goes Juantorena down the backstraight, opening his legs and showing his class"
- David Coleman at The Montreal Olympics
"And for those of you who watched the last programme (Fanny and Johnny Craddock), I hope all your doughnuts turn out like Fanny's"
- David Coleman at the start of Match of The Day
"... and Ray Illingworth is relieving himself in front of the pavilion"
- John Arlott
"These greens are so fast they must bikini wax them"
- Gary McCord - on the greens at Augusta
"One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee-shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them - Oh my God, what have I just said?"
- USTV commentator
"They'll be watching him (Mike Tyson) with a fine toothcomb from now on"
- CNN Sports commentator