Recent Jokes

I was a chubby kid. My parents sent me to fat camp. I was nervous, but my big brother said, "As soon as you get there, stab the fattest kid you see. No-one will mess with you." I get off the bus at fat camp and some kid runs straight up and stabs me.

A Cuban, a Japaneze guy, an American and a Mexican are in a boat.
The Cuban pulls out a box of cigars, takes one and throws the rest
in the water. He puffs twice and throws it in the water.
He says, "We have so many cigars in cuba, we can spare a
few."
The Japaneze guy pulls some computer chip out of his pocket and says,
"We produce so many of these, we can spare a few."
The American looks at the Mexican and the Mexican says "Don't even
think about it."

A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud' hiss-pop' noise.' The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold,' explains the guide.' The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple.'
Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a' Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop' noise.' Wait a minute!' says the man taking the tour.' I understand what the' hiss, hiss,' is, but what's that' pop' every so often?'
'Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine,' says the guide. It pokes a hole in every fourth condom.'
'Well, that can't be good for the condoms!'
'Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!'

What is a dolphin's favorite TV show? Whale of fortune!

I got sacked because I wouldn't check out this gorgeous woman at work.
I hated being a hotel receptionist anyway.

I told my wife her belly was too big.
She said, "That's a bit below the belt."
"Exactly." I said.

A middle-aged woman looks in the mirror.
"God, I look old, fat and ugly," she says to her hubby. "Pay me a compliment, dear."
Her hubby says, "Your fucking eyesight's good!"