"Progressive Motherhood" joke

Yes, motherhood changes everything. But motherhood also changes with
each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child
differs from having your first:
Your Clothes
First baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN
confirms your pregnancy.
Second baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
Third baby: Your maternity clothes *are* your regular clothes.
The Baby's Name
First baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and
writing combinations of all your favorites.
Second baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis,
right? It might as well be you.
Third baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your
finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect!
Preparing for the Birth
First baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
Second baby: You don't bother practising because you remember that last
time, breathing didn't do a thing.
Third baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
The Layette
First baby: You prewash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them,
and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
Second baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and
discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
Third baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries
First baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown - you
pick up the baby.
Second baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your
firstborn.
Third baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical
swing.
Activities
First baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and
Baby Story Hour.
Second baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
Third baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
Going Out
First baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call
home five times.
Second baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a
number where you can be reached.
Third baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she
sees blood.
At Home
First baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
Second baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older
child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
Third baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the
children.

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