"Classified Ad Bloopers!" joke
The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:
Free Yorkshire Terrior.
8 years-old. Hateful little dog.
----------------------------------
Free Puppies:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel
1/2 Sneaky Neighbor's Dog
----------------------------------
Free Puppies:
Part German Shepherd
Part Stupid Dog
----------------------------------
German Shepherd - 85lbs.
Neutered. Speaks German. Free!
----------------------------------
1 Man, 7 Women hot tub -- $850/offer
----------------------------------
Amana Washer $100.
Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
----------------------------------
Snow blower for sale.
Only used on snowy days.
----------------------------------
2 Wire mesh butchering gloves:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair $15.
----------------------------------
Tickle Me Elmo, Still in Box,
Comes with its own
1988 Mustang, 5L, Auto
Excellent Condition, $6, 800.
----------------------------------
83 Toyota Hunchback -- $2, 000
----------------------------------
Star Wars Job of the Hut -- $15
----------------------------------
Soft & Genital Bath Tissues
or Facial Tischue - $. 89
----------------------------------
Full-Sized Mattress
20 Year Warranty
Like New! Slight urine smell.
----------------------------------
FREE 1 Can of Pork & Beans
With Purchase of 3 BR / 2 BTH Home
----------------------------------
Nordic Track $300
Hardly used. Call Chubbie.
----------------------------------
Bill's Septic Cleaning
"We Haul American Made Products"
----------------------------------
Shakespeare's Pizza - Free Chopsticks
----------------------------------
HUMMELS - Largest Selection Ever!
"If it's in stock, we have it!"
----------------------------------
Get a Little John:
The Traveling Urinal
Holds 2 1/2 Bottles of Beer.
----------------------------------
Harrisburg Postal Employees Gun Club
----------------------------------
Georgia Peaches
California Grown - $. 89/lb.
----------------------------------
Nice Parachute
Never Opened - Used Once
Slightly Stained
----------------------------------
American Flag
60 Stars - Pole Included - $100
----------------------------------
Tired of Working for only $9. 75 per hour?
We offer profit sharing and flexible hours.
Starting Pay: $7-9 per hour.
----------------------------------
Exercise Equipment
Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs - $175
----------------------------------
Our Sofa Seats the Whole Mob!
And it's made of 100% Italian Leather.
----------------------------------
Joining Nudist Colony!
Must Sell Washer & Dryer - $300
----------------------------------
Lawyer Says Client is Not That Guilty.
----------------------------------
Alzheimer's Center Prepares
for an Affair to Remember
----------------------------------
Gas Cloud Clears out Taco Bell
----------------------------------
Open House!
Body Shapers Toning Salon
Free Coffee & Donuts
----------------------------------
Kellogg's Pot Tarts - $1. 99/box.
----------------------------------
Fully Cooked Boneless Smoked Mann $2. 09/lb.
----------------------------------
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica.
45 volumes - Excellent condition.
$1, 000. 00 or best offer.
No longer needed.
Got married last weekend.
Wife knows everything.
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.
He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction
on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they
would marry, he thought to more...
If Ida Lupino married George Wendt, then divorced him to marry Ted Danson, divorced him to marry Alan Alda, then divorced him to marry Ted Knight, and divorced him to marry Shelly Long, she'd be Ida Wendt Danson Alda Knight Long.
If Whoopi Goldberg married Peter Cushing, more...
Three men were all applying for the same job as a detective. One was Polish, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. Rather than ask the standard questions during the interview, the chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that more...
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5, 000.00.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys more...