Classified Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    This was actually posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website by an
    employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does
    not (have a sense of humor) and made the web department take it down
    immediately.
    Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to
    protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty
    registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the
    information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and
    desires.
    [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade [_] Classified
    First Name: _______________ Initial: __ Last Name: _______________
    Code Name: __________ Password: ________ (max 8 char)
    Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ____ ____ ____
    Which model aircraft did you purchase?
    [_] F-14 Tomcat
    [_] F-15 Eagle
    [_] F-16 Falcon
    [_] F-117A Stealth
    [_] Classified
    Date more...

    The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:

    Free Yorkshire Terrior.
    8 years-old. Hateful little dog.
    ----------------------------------
    Free Puppies:
    1/2 Cocker Spaniel
    1/2 Sneaky Neighbor's Dog
    ----------------------------------
    Free Puppies:
    Part German Shepherd
    Part Stupid Dog
    ----------------------------------
    German Shepherd - 85lbs.
    Neutered. Speaks German. Free!
    ----------------------------------
    1 Man, 7 Women hot tub -- $850/offer
    ----------------------------------
    Amana Washer $100.
    Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
    ----------------------------------
    Snow blower for sale.
    Only used on snowy days.
    ----------------------------------
    2 Wire mesh butchering gloves:
    1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair $15.
    ----------------------------------
    Tickle Me Elmo, Still in Box,
    Comes with its own
    1988 Mustang, 5L, more...

    CLASSIFIED ERRORS, from a small-town daily: (Monday) FORE SALE - R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 555-0707 after 7 p.m. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap. (Tuesday) NOTICE - We regret having erred in R. D. Jone's ad yesterday. It should have read: One sewing machine for sale. Cheap: 555-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him after 7 p.m. (Wednesday) NOTICE - R. D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in his classified ad yesterday. His ad stands corrected as follows: FOR SALE - R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 555-0707 and ask Mrs. Kelly who loves with him. (Thursday) NOTICE - I, R. D. Jones, have NO sewing machine for sale. I SMASHED IT. Don't call 555-0707, as the telephone has been disconnected. I have NOT been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she quit."

    CLASSIFIED ERRORS, from a small-town daily: (Monday) FORE SALE - R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 555-0707 after 7 p. m. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap. (Tuesday) NOTICE - We regret having erred in R. D. Jone's ad yesterday. It should have read: One sewing machine for sale. Cheap: 555-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him after 7 p. m. (Wednesday) NOTICE - R. D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in his classified ad yesterday. His ad stands corrected as follows: FOR SALE - R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 555-0707 and ask Mrs. Kelly who loves with him. (Thursday) NOTICE - I, R. D. Jones, have NO sewing machine for sale. I SMASHED IT. Don't call 555-0707, as the telephone has been disconnected. I have NOT been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she quit."

    Answering all survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
    1. [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade
    [_] Classified [_] Other
    First Name:. ....................................................
    Initial:. .......
    Last Name:. .....................................................
    Password:. ............................. (max 8 char)
    Code Name:. .....................................................
    Latitude-Longitude-Altitude:. ........... ........... .........
    2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
    [_] F-14 Tomcat
    [_] F-15 Eagle
    [_] F-16 Falcon
    [_] F-117A Stealth
    [_] Classified
    3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19....... /. ...... /......
    4. Serial Number:. ...............................................
    5. Please check where this product was purchased:
    [_] Received as gift / aid more...

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