German Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Long, but pretty good: On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman 2 English men and 1 English woman 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman 2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman 2 American men and 1 American woman 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman One month later on these same absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred. .. One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them. The two more...

    There was a German, an Italian and a Newfie on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die...
    1. To be shot
    2. To be hung
    3. To be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death
    The German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
    The Italian said "Just hang me." With a snap of the rope he was dead.
    Then the Newfie said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot and the Newfie fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
    The Newfie said "Give me another one of those shots." The guards injected him again and now the Newfie was laughing so hard that tears rolled down his cheeks and he was doubled over laughing.
    Finally the warden said "What is wrong with you?"
    The Newfie replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom."

    In Heaven:
    The cooks are French,
    The policemen are English,
    The mechanics are German,
    The lovers are Italian,
    The bankers are Swiss.

    In Hell:
    The cooks are English,
    The policemen are German,
    The mechanics are French,
    The lovers are Swiss,
    The bankers are Italian.

    These three guys - an American, Chinese, and German - were
    shipwrecked on a desert island. The German found this smokey bottle.
    So he brought it back to the other two and they all opened it togther
    (the German was a really nice guy). Well, low and behold, a GENIE
    POPPED OUT! The genie granted them each one wish, and of course all
    three wanted to be back home. So the genie said he would grant them
    their wishes.
    "But first, you must all do me a favor. Mr. American - I want you
    to built me a restaurant here. Mr. German - you will make the kitchen
    for this restaurant. Mr. Chinaman - you will get the supplies for the
    restaurant. I have a hot date waiting for me in Bagdad, so I have to
    go. But I will return in ONE MONTH. At that time, if you satisfied my
    requirements, I will grant your wishes."
    So for one month, the three men American and German toiled while
    the Oriental kinda lazed around and gave a helping hand to the more...

    All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
    If being chased through town, you can usually take cover
    in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the
    year.
    All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach
    up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level
    on the man lying beside her.
    All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick
    of French Bread.
    It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is
    someone in the control tower to talk you down.
    Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while
    scuba diving.
    The ventilation system of any building is the perfect
    hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in
    there and you can travel to any other part of the building
    you want without difficulty.
    If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more
    ammunition, even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
    You're very likely to survive any more...

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