Taxi Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.

    Geordie is in Dublin on Business and takes a Taxi from the Airport to his Hotel in the City Centre.
    As they come out of the Airport, the Taxi driver shoots through a red light. "Driver, you could have killed us, you jumped that red light!" shouts Geordie.
    "Ah te be sure, my brother and me, we do that all the time" says the cabbie.
    A mile down the road and the Taxi driver shoots over another red light.
    "Driver, that was another red light!" Screams Geordie.
    "Ah to be sure its nothing at all my brother and me, we do it all the time."
    They get to the next traffic light. Its green, the Taxi driver stops !
    " Driver, its a green light ! Why the hell have you stopped ?" says Geordie.
    "Ah to be sure, " Says the Taxi Driver, " my Brother, he might be coming the other way ........"

    A couple were going out for the evening. They'd got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab -"Sorry I took so long" he says, "Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"

    Tourist to Taxi driver: "How much is it to the Airport?"
    Taxi driver: "That's five pounds twenty."
    Tourist: "And how much is it for the luggage?"
    Taxi driver: "The luggage, of course, is free."
    Tourist: "All right, just take that stuff along. I'm walking."

    Sabbath Violator.
    Morris and Lenny are strolling home from shul one Saturday morning. Suddenly a cab speeds past, and their friend, Irving, is running frantically behind it, flailing his arms wildly.
    "Well," said Lenny, "I never imagined our good friend Irving was a Sabbath violator! Look at him running for that taxi."
    "Wait a minute," Morris replied. "Didn`t you read that book I lent you, `The Other Side of the Story`, about the command to judge other people favourably? I`ll bet we can think of hundreds of excuses for Irving`s behaviour."
    "Yeah, like what?"
    "Maybe he`s sick and needs to go to the hospital."
    "Come on! He was running 60 miles an hour after that cab - he`s healthier than Arnold Schwartzeneger."
    "Well, maybe his wife`s having a baby."
    "She had one last week."
    "Well, maybe he needs to visit her in the hospital."
    "She`s more...

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