Taxi Jokes

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.

A couple were going out for the evening. They'd got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab -"Sorry I took so long" he says, "Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"

Geordie is in Dublin on Business and takes a Taxi from the Airport to his Hotel in the City Centre.
As they come out of the Airport, the Taxi driver shoots through a red light. "Driver, you could have killed us, you jumped that red light!" shouts Geordie.
"Ah te be sure, my brother and me, we do that all the time" says the cabbie.
A mile down the road and the Taxi driver shoots over another red light.
"Driver, that was another red light!" Screams Geordie.
"Ah to be sure its nothing at all my brother and me, we do it all the time."
They get to the next traffic light. Its green, the Taxi driver stops !
" Driver, its a green light ! Why the hell have you stopped ?" says Geordie.
"Ah to be sure, " Says the Taxi Driver, " my Brother, he might be coming the other way ........"

Tourist to Taxi driver: "How much is it to the Airport?"
Taxi driver: "That's five pounds twenty."
Tourist: "And how much is it for the luggage?"
Taxi driver: "The luggage, of course, is free."
Tourist: "All right, just take that stuff along. I'm walking."

Joe walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Bryan."
"Who?"
"Bryan Smith. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Bryan."
"There are always a few clouds over everybody," says Joe.
"Not Bryan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star."
"He was something, huh?"
"He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and I black out the whole neighborhood."
"No wonder you remember him."
"Well, I never actually met Bryan."
"Then how do you know so more...