Surd Jokes

There is a competition going on to see, who can milk a cow, the best. The competitors are given a bucket each and sent to separate rooms, where they could milk their respective cows. One who has the largest volume of milk in the bucket is obviously, the winner.A surd is among the competitors, and is the favorite for the win.
After the stipulated time, each participant returns with his bucket, some have milked 2 litres, some have 3, some 4 and so on. Finally, our Surd returns, fuming and exhausted, and guess what, his bucket contains just

Avoid all esoteric jewellery over ten pounds in weight - it attracts unwelcome attention from muggers, policemen, various supernatural creatures and can be and are downright dangerous during thunderstorms.
Avoid using coloured candles in rituals. I cannot stress this enough. Pastel-coloured candles in the shape of cute animals are like beacons to the weirdest demons.
Never make flippant remarks to a demon ("Hey, Belial, you look like hell, ha ha."). It may retort with its own brand of humour, like tearing your limbs apart.
Always keep your kit with you: candles, chalk, incense, silver knife, service revolver, garlic, taxi fare, condoms, and change.
When the Black Mass goes awry, stay away from the High Priest. Enraged demons always go for the pompous.
If a demon promises you untold riches in exchange for your body, ask for an advance - freeloading sex fiends abound.
If the entity you summoned offers you its soul in return for money, chances are that more...

Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom
fighters. They were planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a
point, "Oh.. we`ll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?"
That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh
replied, "No problem! we`ll attack USA, it would
take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we`ll automatically get
developed." All the surds became happy at this very simple solution but
an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he
wasn`t happy. The surd replied, "OH! THAT`S ALRIGHT BUT... WHAT WOULD
HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA? ????"

That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly a Sardar replied, "No problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed."
All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word.
Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT... WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA? ????"

A Surd was going by train from Delhi to Bombay. He kept getting off at every station to buy a ticket till the next station. When the train reached Delhi, the Surd's co-passengers asked him why he kept on buying tickets instead of buying a ticket for the entire. The Surd replied that his doctor had advised him against taking long journeys.