Cultists Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    How To Be A Cultist:

    Recently, the Society For Evil Overlords has noticed a regrettable
    decline in the availability and quality of fanatical henchmen, evil
    priests, and willing sacrificial victims. We wish to correct this
    growing problem by submitting the following general guidelines for

    1. Pick one faith and stay with it. Dilettantism is the mark of
    the amateur.

    2. Avoid needless embarrassment. Practice the correct
    pronunciation of your deity+s name in the privacy of your own room
    before chanting it in public. Flash cards are often helpful.

    3. Never invoke anything bigger than your head.

    4. Avoid all cabalistic jewelry over ten pounds in weight+ it
    attracts unwelcome attention from tourists, policemen, various
    supernatural creatures, and can be downright dangerous during

    5. Citronella candles may not be used in rituals. I cannot stress
    this more...

    Avoid all esoteric jewellery over ten pounds in weight - it attracts unwelcome attention from muggers, policemen, various supernatural creatures and can be and are downright dangerous during thunderstorms.
    Avoid using coloured candles in rituals. I cannot stress this enough. Pastel-coloured candles in the shape of cute animals are like beacons to the weirdest demons.
    Never make flippant remarks to a demon ("Hey, Belial, you look like hell, ha ha."). It may retort with its own brand of humour, like tearing your limbs apart.
    Always keep your kit with you: candles, chalk, incense, silver knife, service revolver, garlic, taxi fare, condoms, and change.
    When the Black Mass goes awry, stay away from the High Priest. Enraged demons always go for the pompous.
    If a demon promises you untold riches in exchange for your body, ask for an advance - freeloading sex fiends abound.
    If the entity you summoned offers you its soul in return for money, chances are that more...

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