Demon Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A patient complained to a doctor that he wetted his bed every night.
    "Before it happens, do you see any dreams?" the doctor said.
    "Yes, doctor. Usually I see a dream in which a small demon comes and says, 'Let's pee."
    "OK," the doctor said. "Next time you see the demon, say, "No, we've already peed."
    Next time the patient came to the doctor, the latter asked, "So? Did you do as I said?
    "Yes, I did."
    "Did it help?"
    "Yes, doctor. Only, it made the matter worse."
    "As I said 'We've already peed,' the demon nodded and said, 'Then, let's shit a little."

    A fellow dies, goes to hell, and is surprised when confronted by a room full of beautiful blondes and kegs of beer.
    He asks a nearby demon if this is really hell, and what was so bad about the place.
    "Well," said the demon, "the kegs all have holes in the bottoms, and the blondes don't!"

    A Halloween joke
    Why don’t apples smile when you go bobbing?
    Because they’re crab apples!

    A vampire joke
    What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
    A blood hound!

    A ghost joke
    What keeps ghouls happy?
    The knowledge that every shroud has a silver lining!

    A demon joke
    What do you call a demon who slurps his food?
    A goblin!

    A ghost joke
    What do you have to take to become a coroner?
    A stiff exam!

    A cannibal joke
    What does a cannibal eat with cheese?
    Pickled organs!

    A cannibal joke
    What did the cannibal say when he was full?
    ”I couldn’t eat another mortal! ”

    Gregory was a boy who was always beaten up by a bully who everyone called: "The Demon". Everyday, "The Demon" would punch Gregory in the stomach without any warning. And Gregory always got a stomachache.
    Now, Gregory wasn't very smart. He often confused things with other things and ended up in trouble. But Gregory didn't know. And Gregory had 7-9 fears and takes them seriously. He has a fear of telling a teacher on someone, so that's a reason why he's letting The Demon punch him.
    The doctor told him that if he continued to be punched, that he would get a stomach bruise - which wasn't good at all.
    So, Gregory and his father were having a father-to-son conversation about this problem.
    "Son, why are you letting 'The Demon' punch you everyday?"
    "I dunno dad."
    "Well, you can't just let him punch you in the stomach."
    "Really, dad?"
    "Yes, really."
    The next day, Gregory came home with more...

    A new arrival in Hell was brought before the devil.
    The devil told his demon to put the man to work on a rock pile with a 20-pound sledge hammer in 95 degree heat with 95% humidity.
    At the end of the day, the devil went to see how the man was doing, only to find him smiling and singing as he pounded rocks. The man explained that the heat and hard labor were very similar to those on his beloved farm back in Pennsylvania.
    The devil told his demon to turn up the heat to 120 degrees, with 100% humidity.
    At the end of the next day, the devil again checked on the new man, and found him still happy to be sweating and straining. The man explained that it felt like the old days, when he had to clean out his silo in the middle of August on his beloved farm back in Pennsylvania.
    At that, the devil told his demon to lower the temperature to -20 degrees with a 40 mph wind.
    At the end of the next day, the devil was confident that he would find the man miserable. But, more...

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